


Bystander

by TheVeryLastValkyrie



Category: Girls (TV)
Genre: Adam Driver is Ruining Me, F/M, Girls is Ruining Me, Lena Dunham is Ruining Me, Mental Breakdown, Physical Break Up, You Never Know a Good Thing 'Til It's Gone and Found Someone Else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:09:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6460690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVeryLastValkyrie/pseuds/TheVeryLastValkyrie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Anything you can do, I can do better, I can do anything better than you.</i> Hannah watches Adam walk away. <i>Yes I can yes I can yes I can.</i> Hannah watches Adam walk away with Jessa. <strike><i>No I can't no I can't no I can't.</i></strike></p>
            </blockquote>





	Bystander

I don’t want to be alone tonight.

I can’t be alone tonight.

I mean, I’m finally pulling the edges of my life together, aren’t I? Aren’t I making a nice picture, the kind of thing you put up on a shelf so you can invite people to dinner and they can look at it and say, ‘aren’t _you_ doing _well_ ’? Aren’t _I_ doing _well_?

My problem is that you’re an asshole.

My problem is you’re not.

You, the ever-loving centre of everything, are not where you’re supposed to be. These weeks are one big waiting room, and that’s where you’re supposed to be, _waiting_ : waiting for me. I don’t not want you to be in love, I just wish you weren’t. I hope you aren’t. I hope you’re unhappy, that you get nauseous after eating, that you never get another job, that you die alone and that the twiggy little pink jogging girl who finds your lifeless corpse needs at least eight years of therapy after.

I’m watching you walk away from me right now, the way you swing your body, the way the two of you don’t quite touch. You seem bigger every time I see you, which is probably because I shrink you down in my head. I can swallow you if I shrink you down, and the yellow glare of the streetlights will look like sunshine again. I’ll think I’m living in a romantic comedy, probably an R-rated one, probably one with Judd Apatow involved somehow. I’ll remember I’m in New York.

No one’s going to say, ‘aren’t _you_ doing _well_ ’.

No, I’m not doing so well.

My boyfriend keeps talking to the side of my face, but I can’t look at him because he isn’t you. You’re where you’ve always been, right here: right in front of me. I didn’t see you. I didn’t see all of you, all the parts that don’t want to hurt. I couldn’t hear you being quiet.

Anything you can do, I can do better. I can do anything better than you.

( _Yes I can yes I can yes I can_ ).


End file.
